Living with a Visitation or Custody Schedule

Raising children after a divorce can be overwhelming and fraught with a mixture of excitement and frustration for anyone; however, there are a number of unique matters which must be considered and dealt with that can make various times of the year particularly difficult.

For parents sharing custody or with visitation schedules, one of the most important issues to be considered is how these schedules and time with the children will be affected over the various holidays that crop up through the year, including summer vacation. While this can cause a great deal of anxiety, it can be made easier by employing the following tips:

  • Have a detailed, pre-planned parenting plan to work from – whether this is a plan that was developed during divorce proceedings (and every divorced parent should have one of these) or a modified plan that better fits you and your ex-spouse’s current lifestyles, any divorce lawyer will advise you to make sure you always have a parenting plan in place prior to starting the holidays. This way, you, your spouse, and your children can easily know where the kids will be and what to expect. This often cuts down on tension and arguments, and makes everything much easier on the children.
  • Make plans as far in advance as possible – if you plan on going on vacation or visiting other family members, whether you have the children or not, make sure these plans are made ahead of time as much as possible. That way everyone else can know where you will be and plan accordingly. This also gives children more structure, which is important.
  • Make sure to keep all involved parties informed of changes/needs – should issues arise or plans change, make sure everyone who is involved is told of these problems and changes, from your ex-spouse and the kids to a required third party (if you have supervised visitation). Even if these changes don’t directly affect your visitation or parenting time, the other parties should be aware of things that could potentially cause changes.
  • Start new traditions – holidays are full of family traditions, whether it’s taking a road trip in the summer, going caroling on the first week of December, or any other traditions your family may have. However, there may be many of these traditions that cannot happen at all or have to be modified because the whole family can’t be together or you do not have your children on certain dates. This can be very upsetting for children, particularly if the parents make a big deal about it. As such, being positive and starting new traditions that better suit you and your children’s new lifestyle can immensely help with the transition and ease tensions.
  • Focus on the holidays themselves, not the dates – children get excited about the holidays, rather than the actual dates. So if you can’t see your children exactly on the 25th of December for Christmas, but have to wait until the 27th, make sure to focus on celebrating the holiday and being together. That way the children won’t feel upset or pressured because they weren’t able to see you and those they love on certain days.

Whether you utilize these or other tips to help you after a divorce, it’s always important to remember to do what you can to make the holidays a happy and enjoyable time for yourself and your family.

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